


Who Drank All The Coffee?

by yuma (yuma_writes)



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Action/Adventure, Drama, Gen, Humor, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-07 04:18:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10352109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuma_writes/pseuds/yuma
Summary: Spoilers from "Within the Serpent’s Grasp", the second seasoncliffhanger.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

Who Drank All The Coffee?

“Daniel. Daniel!” 

“Wha- what? Jack? Wha-what’s wrong?” 

“You were having a bad dream. Thought I should wake you.” 

“Oh.” 

“Okay now?” 

“...Yeah, thanks.” 

“Somehow that doesn’t convince me.” 

“Did I wake anyone else up?” 

“No. I think our back-from-the-dead-and-saving-the-Earth celebration got everyone pooped. Carter’s on the couch, Teal’c is doing that damn yoga position meditating over by the stairs, I nearly tripped over him for crying out loud, and you were on the other couch having a wrestling match with your blanket.” 

“...Thanks for waking me, Jack.” 

“Well, considering the **day** we’ve had, I’m surprised we’re able to sleep at all.” 

“Is that why you’re still up this late?” 

“Well gee, Daniel. It’s only four o’clock in the morning.” 

“Argh...I’m not going to be able to get back to sleep.” 

“...Come on. Let’s go to the kitchen. I got some coffee over there. Let’s go have a cup.” 

“I don’t know, Jack. If it’s the same type of coffee you make on those missions, I might just pass. I don’t particularly care for mud.” 

“Oh ha ha. Like your coffee was any better. Weak stuff. Might as well be sticking your head in the toilet and drinking that.” 

“That’s disgusting, Jack. Yours was way too strong. It was strong enough to bring back the dead-“ 

“...Daniel?” 

“Sorry...just realized that was a very poor choice of words.” 

“This is really bothering you, Daniel?” 

“Huh?” 

“The fact that you thought you were the only one left? Here, have a cup.” 

“Thanks...I guess I am...I was. I mean, I really thought I was going to die on that ship. I didn’t think of using that sarcophagus until later. Even when I dialed home, I didn’t think...” 

“That you were going to make it?” 

“Y-yeah. When I r-returned and General Hammond asked me where you guys were, I...” 

“General Hammond told me later on that you said we were coming.” 

“...” 

“Daniel?” 

“I guess...I didn’t want to believe that you were all dead and that I would be the only one left.” 

“Survivor guilt.” 

“Huh?” 

“Survivor guilt. The guilt of a person of being able to survivor while the other had died.” 

“...” 

“Believe me, Daniel. I’ve been through enough of those to know how it must have felt for you.” 

“Oh. Was that what y-you guys were feeling?” 

“You mean, after we escaped?” 

“Uh huh.” 

“Well...yeah, I guess so. I mean, I’m sure that was what Carter and Teal’c were thinking after we got picked up by the space shuttle...we thought were going to die in those death gliders, though.” 

“Sam told me that the gliders would have burned up in the earth’s atmosphere.” 

“Yeah...it would have been like...bugs on a windshield, Danny.” 

“I don’t see how you guys could have been so calm about waiting to die. I mean, I thought, I knew that I was going to die on that ship. That we were all going to die and all I could feel was...regret.” 

“Sha’uri?” 

“Y-yeah.” 

“...I was glad I was going to die.” 

“Wha? What?” 

“It would had been better than coming home, knowing that I had left someone behind.” 

“You didn’t leave me behind, Jack.” 

“Damn straight, I did.” 

“I asked you to leave, remember?” 

“I remember. That doesn’t make me feel any better.” 

“Jack... **Jack**. What could you have been able to do?” 

“I could have carried you over to the next ship.” 

“I would have slowed you down. I probably did slow you guys down.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“I’m not exactly combat type, Jack.” 

“...” 

“I mean, sometimes I wonder if I’m not just a hindrance to you guys. Don’t think I don’t see it. I see how you make sure where I am at all times.” 

“Well, you’re always wandering off to look at some goddamn rock.” 

“Artifacts, Jack. Not rocks. No, Jack. You know what I mean. You’re afraid that I’m going to run into some trouble again and then poor Daniel Jackson has to be rescued again.” 

“...” 

“And then when you guys do, you’re dragged into the same mess.” 

“Now hold on just a minute, Danny. You...are...not...a...hindrance.” 

“B-but-“ 

“Will you shut up and listen for a sec?” 

“Sorry.” 

“I know you’re not the combat type, but that’s not what I need in my team. I need...I need a conscience for my team.” 

“...” 

“Okay, you annoy me at times with your talks about culture and rocks-“ 

“Artifacts.” 

“Artifacts, at times, but...you’re also there to remind us that not everything can be resolved with a M-16 assault rifle. Besides, I saw how you handled on that Go’uald battleship. You were doing okay, Danny boy.” 

“...” 

“...So there.” 

“Thank you, Jack.” 

“Well...” 

“You’re a good person.” 

“Oh for crying out loud! I say one nice thing and you’re making me like Saint Mary or something.” 

“Well...you don’t look like a **saint** , at least.” 

“Why you-“ 

“Heh heh.” 

“What’s going on? Hey guys, you’re up?” 

“Hey Sam. Nothing, Mary- I mean Jack and I couldn’t sleep. I was telling Jack what a good person he is.” 

“Oh for crying out loud-“ 

“I don’t know, Daniel. If he were such a good person, he wouldn’t have fed me that six pack of brewskies.” 

“As if you were forced. When we came back to my place and I said help yourself, I didn’t mean empty out my fridge, Carter.” 

“You had nothing else to drink, **sir**.” 

“You could have gone out and brought some groceries back, **Carter**.” 

“I just traveled hundreds of light-years and finally got home and you want me to go out **again**?” 

“What’s a few more miles?” 

“Very funny. You could have sent Daniel out instead.” 

“Thanks a lot, Sam.” 

“I couldn’t send Daniel out. He was tired from returning from the dead.” 

“Oh, that’s an excuse if I hadn’t heard one.” 

“’Sides, if I sent Danny boy out, he probably would have been sidetracked by some rock lying on the road or something.” 

“Artifacts, Jack.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

“Is that coffee?” 

“Um, well Sam. It is. Or at least, Jack’s version of coffee.” 

“Argh...more mud?” 

“Hey! What’s the deal about my coffee? I like it strong!” 

“That’s not strong, s-Jack! That’s like drinking a staff weapon blast!” 

“Ouch. I agree with you there, Sam.” 

“Well then, if it’s so bad, why are you two drinking my coffee then?” 

“Can’t sleep anyway, Jack. Might as well drink this.” 

“I sure can’t have any more beers, s-Jack.” 

“Why? ‘Fraid you might wake up on someone else’s bed, Carter?” 

“That’s disgusting, Jack.” 

“And you’re no fun, Daniel.” 

“I envy Teal’c. I had six beers and now I’m wide-awake thanks to you two talking the night away. Teal’c could sleep through anything.” 

“I am awake.” 

“Geez! **Shit**! Teal’c, next time give us warning, okay? You nearly goddamn gave me a heart attack!” 

“Had I not remembered where I was, I would have blasted you at first sound.” 

“Ooookay. Guess Teal’c is not a morning person, guys.” 

“So what were you guys talking about anyway?” 

“Nothing, Sam.... About the mission, you know-“ 

“Yeah...” 

“We are very fortunate to have all returned safely.” 

“I second that. Cheers!...Argh!” 

“See, Jack? Told you it tastes like mud.” 

“...You know why?” 

“Why?” 

“It’s because I made this coffee before we had left for that battleship.” 

“Are you trying to tell us, s-Jack, that this coffee has been here for more than **two** days?” 

“Yep, Carter. That’s what I am trying to tell you.” 

“I think...I’m going to be sick.” 

“Bathroom’s down the hall to your right. Don’t mess up my carpets, Carter.” 

“Thanks a lot, Jack. I knew your coffee was bad but this really takes the cake.” 

“You have cake?” 

“No, Teal’c. What I meant is- ugh.” 

“Danny, if you said the coffee was that bad, why the hell did you just take another sip?” 

“I was thirsty.” 

“Goddamn, of all the shi-“ 

“Sir! Really.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll watch my mouth.” 

“Really, s-Jack. Young ears are listening.” 

“I’m not that much younger than you, Sam.” 

“No... You just seem younger at times, Daniel.” 

“Huh?” 

“Never mind, Daniel. So what were you guys talking about on the mission, anyway?” 

“...Oh, about dying.” 

“Oh. The usual conversation. Why the funny face, Daniel?” 

“I just realized how lucky we all were. I mean, what if I didn’t get trapped in that alternate reality and saw what I saw? I mean, we would have been hopping around from one planet to the next, never knowing the danger that was coming. What if you guys didn’t believe me? What if I didn’t come back alive from that alternate reality to warn you? What- “ 

“Daniel.” 

“Huh? What is it, Jack?” 

“What ifs don’t count with me. It’s the here and now that matters. You came back, we believed you, we went, we saw, we kicked some Go’uald ass and we came back. We **all** came back. Nothing else needs to be said of what ifs, because listing them all won’t change a thing.” 

“He’s right, Daniel. Nothing else needs to be said.” 

“You’re right, I guess. I kept thinking about all the possibilities that I forgot to be...grateful.” 

“Just be grateful, Danny. Just be grateful.” 

“Yeah, be grateful that we’ve survived what we thought would have been a suicide mission and be grateful the colonel’s coffee didn’t kill us.” 

“I did not find O’Neill’s coffee to be a problem.” 

“Y-you’re kidding, right? Jack, tell me Teal’c’s kidding.” 

“Judging by the second cup he’s pouring, I think not, Daniel.” 

“Now I think **I** am going to be sick.” 

“Are you unwell, Daniel Jackson?” 

“No, just grossed out.” 

“Grossed...out?” 

“Yeah...excuse me for a second, guys...” 

“Down the hall to your right, Danny. Maybe if you hadn’t had those two beers!...I don’t think he heard me.” 

“Stop grinning. Daniel might think you’re enjoying this.” 

“Well Carter. It’s not everyday you see a man come back from the dead.” 

“...No. I guess not.” 

“...” 

“O’Neill?” 

“Huh? What?” 

“S-Jack, you look a bit...off.” 

“Humph.’ 

“You are thinking about your friend Skaara?” 

“...Yeah, Teal’c. I was thinking about Skaara. I wasn’t too happy about what I had to do to him.” 

“You had no choice. Had you not shot him, Kor-el would have killed Daniel Jackson.” 

“You know, I was almost glad your teacher Bra-tac had revived Sk- Kor-el.” 

“It meant that you still had a chance to save him?” 

“Yeah, C-Sam. It had meant that, but that’s no good anymore is it? Skaara’s dead. On that ship.” 

“And Daniel Jackson is alive.” 

“Yeah. And Daniel’s alive. Remember that. You didn’t shoot Skaara for any reason. I’m sure Skaara would have wanted you to do so, rather than have him hurt Daniel.” 

“...” 

“Sir? Jack?” 

“...Hey, Daniel! Found the bathroom okay?” 

“Argh...” 

“You look green around the gills, Danny.” 

“I do not see any gills.” 

“Figure of speech, Teal’c. The colonel was referring to how sick Daniel looks.” 

“He does look unwell.” 

“I...am...never...drinking...Jack’s...coffee...again!” 

“So I guess a refill is out of the question for you?” 

“Argh...Jack, you’re heartless.” 

“I thought you said I was a good person?” 

“You really said that about the colonel, Daniel?” 

“Well...” 

“I probably swayed him with my charms.” 

“Fat chance. Probably from that hug you gave Daniel when you saw that he was alive.” 

“You were quite enthusiastic upon seeing Daniel Jackson was alive.” 

“Hey, you guys were happy, too!” 

“Well, I’m a woman, so when I hug, it’s no big deal. For you...” 

“Stop grinning, Carter. Evilness isn’t like you.” 

“Oh come on. I think it was so sweet. Oh look, Daniel’s turning red.” 

“Am not.” 

“Hey, our little geek’s blushing. Now isn’t that precious?” 

“Ha ha, Jack.” 

“Oh god, I’m tired. It has been fun, but now it is getting ridiculous. I’m going back to bed, guys. Night.” 

“Night, Sam. Teal’c, where are you going?” 

“The coffee does not appeal to me anymore. I am going back to rest.” 

“You mean sitting on the floor with your legs crossed?” 

“Yes.” 

“Ever heard of a bed, Teal’c?” 

“Ignore him, Teal’c. Good night.” 

“Thank you, but actually it is morning.” 

“I’m not too sure, Daniel...but I think that was a joke.” 

“...Jack?” 

“Huh? What is it, Daniel?” 

“I was coming back from the bathroom and ...heard what you said about...Skaara.” 

“...” 

“I’m sorry about Skaara, Jack. I-I would have been dead already if you hadn’t fired that shot.” 

“...” 

“I-I know Skaara understands, Jack.” 

“I know, Danny. I know.” 

“As for the hug...” 

“Oh great! I’ll never hear the end of this.” 

“No! What I meant was...that I was ...grateful to see you guys, too.” 

“Oh.” 

“Just one thing...” 

“What?” 

“Why ‘space monkey’?”   


* * *

>   
>  © 1998 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp.  
> The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa’uld and all other characters  
> who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names,   
> titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television,   
> Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd.   
> Partnership.  
> This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and   
> solely meant for entertainment.   
> All other characters, the story idea and the story itself   
> are the sole property of the author.   
> 

* * *

  


##### Having writers' block...again. So I dedicate this to my buddies. To quote, no matter how bad life can be, to quote Jack..."Just be grateful."

* * *

  
[Back](http://astele.co.uk/StargateFan/Chapter/Details/fiction.html)


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